So to get back to the SCM:
How weird is this guy I work with? Not only does he drone on with endless details for every anecdote he feels compelled to share with everyone alive, he seems to need to tell us -- that's the Colleague and me -- all kinds of personal things, usually about his wife, that she would totally kill him for if she knew he was doing this.
So by 7:00 this morning, he had to tell me that the reason he's a little tense today is that his wife is having an ultrasound, and this is freaking him out. I ask for no more, but he does tell me that it's for, you know, that woman thing. Uh huh.
I come back from lunch and see that Colleague has her office door closed, and I ask her if she's keeping him out. She is, although we both know that he'll come in and start up if he feels like it; it just makes her feel like she's keeping him out. She says that he told her that it's very upsetting to him that his wife always has to go for an ultrasound after a mammogram because she has (and I quote) "thick breasts" and why do they even bother with a mammogram anyway if they have to do the ultrasound?
Now: EEEUUUWW.
Can you believe this? I am firm in my conviction -- not to mention in my equally dense breasts, welcome to 50, hello -- that there is no husband anywhere who should be discussing this with anyone but his wife. If women want to share, hey, go ahead. I've met his wife a few times and she seems normal. So I'm pretty sure she would have his head, and perhaps some other important parts, if she knew he told us all this stuff.
It always makes us conjure up responses that we like to think might shut him up:
"Yeah, I've got dense breasts, too. Didn't know that, didja?"
"Really? Well, I've got cramps today, so stay the f--- out of my way, okay?"
"If you don't think she should have the mammogram, why don't you just tell her doctor? I'm sure she'll do it your way once she knows how you feel about it. After all, you're a librarian, so you probably know best."
"Until you've been checked for testicular cancer on a mammogram machine, don't even speak to me about it."
Satisfying to think about. It would never work.
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I'm watching Oprah
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