I am feeling burdened, weighted down. No reason, really, although I am irritated a little at those around me. Nothing serious, not like it used to be.We would joke, years ago, that my mother�s moods swung in month-long sweeps, my sister�s in week�s, mine in days�, my older daughter�s in hours, and my younger daughter�s in minutes. Then my mother was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and we stopped joking, at least for awhile. The medications didn�t work for her, and her swings were not so severe that they were debilitating. When she was up, she would shop endlessly without buying, just enjoying the process. She would stay up all night making calls to long-lost relatives or 800 numbers. When she was down she wouldn't leave the house or do anything, but she still got dressed every day and put on makeup.
I just always thought I was moody. Then the menopause kicked in and I thought I was losing my mind. I started taking hormones because if I didn�t, I was going to kill people. Now that most of that is behind me, I feel pretty level most of the time. For the last six months or so, I haven�t had any serious mood swings or even, really, bad days.
That�s since Shirl � my mother � died. Her illness (which was cancer) was so debilitating for all of us, that I was about to go on blood pressure medicine myself, but then, one day, she died, and my stress went away. I�ve written about that before.
But since then, not so much in the way of mood swings. Life became easier. And now today, I don�t know why, especially since I�m so looking forward to my birthday next week, this. It�s like there�s a weight on my chest. I want to run away. I want to sit in a room by myself with just my computer, so I can write, write, write.
I want people to quit raining on my parades. I want people to quit making me feel like everything that goes wrong is my fault. And I want this mood swing thing to stop. I�m not used to it anymore.
