I'm thinking of becoming a Luddite. Anyone know where I can sign up?
Seriously, now. How much easier would this be for me if all I had to was work with kids and books. Books, nice, firm, aromatic, engrossing, beautiful books. The printed page. Ahhhhh.
At about 8:30 this morning, I realized that every kid in school today would be receiving a copy of his class schedule, on which would be printed something that looked like a cross between a secret code and an Internet access username. Both wrong. In fact, it was a network access username, but there was no explanation in sight. I called over to Tech Central and asked with some amusement in my voice who was expected to explain what this was and teach the 1600 or so kids to use it properly.
That would be me. I found out about it today.
At 8:45 I was on stage in the auditorium, seated alongside The Psycho, looking down at the roughly 400 members of the brandy-new freshman class. The Psycho had just said I could explain to them what the code was. Then, when the assistant principal introduced me, he said "And now Mrs. PurpleChai will tell you all about your student I.D. cards."
Shit! I'm talking about I.D. cards now?
Fortunately for me, my background as an English major prepared me well to bullshit about almost anything at almost anytime. So I did.
An hour later I was on the public address system explaining the code thing to the rest of the school.
Can you tell yet what happened after that? I won't keep you in suspense. The new system worked in some rooms and not in others, and all day long kids and teachers were finding that it basically was a pain in the ass. I must have taught 50 individual people to do the logging in thing. At least a dozen did everything right and followed the instructions and then were locked out.
And after dealing with the rude folks at K's school all morning, who insisted that she wasn't on a meal plan and that I couldn't get her on one, it turned out she was on it all along.
It was a terrible, horrible, no good very bad day. Probably in Australia as well.
And who, you may wonder, is Adelord Gorbett?
He is my new secret identity and secret weapon and role model. I may write a book, and the main character will be named Adelord Gorbett.
This is a name that recently appeared in my junk-mail box as the alleged sender of an item of absurdly spelled penis mail. I just fell right in love with it. Have you ever heard a better name than Adelord Gorbett? Not me, man.
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I'm watching a bad movie
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