This is my one-thousandth diary entry. So I'm going to be sappy.There are two things about this whole on-line diary-keeping business that have made it an unbelievably valuable experience for me.
1. How much I have learned about myself.
I have learned that I am capable of things I would never have thought myself capable of. I learned that I could reveal parts of myself that I had never revealed before and not only was it not a frightening experience, it was cathartic and character-building. I have learned that I am a much stronger person than I ever knew I was. I was in therapy when I started, and in many ways, I came to feel that writing in my diary gradually made therapy no longer necessary. (Of course, therapy was also making me better this whole time, so I don't suppose I can single the diary out as a cause. But it feels that way.) I have learned that I can write nearly every day of my life, something I always wanted to do, and it feels wonderful. I have learned things about myself by telling stories and writing things that unfolded as I saw them take shape on my computer screen, things that I would probably never have realized or thought of before. I have learned that I have the courage to do things that frighten me, like drive to another state and spend a weekend with people I had never met but somehow knew intimately. I am very, very proud of myself for that one.
2. How much I have come to know and love people I could never have met otherwise.
We are all so geographically separated from each other, and yet there are things we tell each other that we tell no one else we know. How amazing is that? It's because we do know each other, and we are friends. Without each other, we could all just be writing in our paper journals at home, but it wouldn't be the same enriching experience, I think. I would have stopped writing years ago. I never could keep up one of those before, and I know it's because I know that you are there, reading what I write. It doesn't matter if I have, as marn says, three loyal readers out there. I know that I read your diaries every day, and someone out there somewhere is reading mine. People who know I have an online diary have asked me, "So, is it that you get feedback from people?" Maybe that's what it is, but the feedback isn't random. Sometimes it's funny -- yes, it is hard to get their little legs apart -- and sometimes it's insightful. I wrote something the other day about getting compliments when I wear my mother's sweaters, and summer-gale said that maybe it's because my mother wore colors, while I stick to black and gray, and colors look good on me. Damn. Never thought of that.
It's not just feedback; I can get that from my hearing aids. It's that somehow, this whole thing lets you find the opportunity in your busy day and life to have intimate conversations with wonderful friends every single day. A valuable experience, and really, an opportunity beyond words.
Thanks.
(And I warned you about the sappiness. Sorry.)
