This is the entry it's taken me a few days to write. It turned out to be less of a big deal than I thought it would be, or maybe it's just that a little time has passed. We'll see.
On Saturday, we buried my father's ashes. Because he had wanted to be cremated, they bought a single plot, which was dug deep when my mother was buried last year, and now, they just had to dig a smallish hole, into which we put the container that contained him. (More than you needed to know, perhaps, but not the whole story of Shirl and Jack Buy a Plot. Another time for that)
We picked this day because both of my sister's boys would be in-state for a wedding, and we wanted it to be when all five grandchildren could be there. We didn't have a funeral when Jack died (also his preference), so this was it, just the five grandchildren, Sibs and I, and a small hole. I expected that my niece's new fiance would be there as well, which was also okay. Sibs' husband, The Keeper, had a long-standing commitment out of state that predated even Jack's death, which was also okay. As for my Hubs, well. Well.
Past readers may recall how upset I was when his parents never even expressed sympathy when my father died, which was so out of character for them. I may have neglected to mention that when I shared this with Sibs, she mentioned that Hubs had never said anything to her, either.
Let me explain something: it is almost easier for me to deal with the loss of both parents within a year than it is for me to deal with, or express, anger.
So I'd gotten past the anger, mostly, at Hubs and his parents; it wasn't eating me up anymore. Then on Saturday, when I told him about our cemetery plans, he said that he'd like to go, too.
What could I say, that he didn't belong there? He did. He may have poor social skills, but this was his father-in-law for over 25 years. And he suddenly had the sense to know that, and that he should be there. So he gets points for that.
But my concern on Saturday was more for my sister than it was for Hubs. She's still been having a lot of trouble accepting that Jack's gone at all, in a different way than I am. If Hubs being there was the wrong thing for her, then it was the wrong thing.
So I sat down and I told him that I thought he should be there, and I was glad he wanted to be, but that he'd never said anything to my sister, and I only found that out when I told her that his parents never said anything to me. I didn't tell him how angry this had made me -- I still can't do that, I need way more therapy first -- but I did say something, I told him. He looked embarrassed, and foolish-feeling. He did come. I don't know if he did the right thing and spoke to my sister -- I wasn't watching them the whole time -- but let's hope so.
So I found resolution, if not closure. Maybe it's closure, too. The whole thing. All of it. Everything.
You think?
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I'm watching That 70s Show
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Sweet Sorrow - 06.12.2007
So ... - 12.19.2006
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Fifteen Years - 12.17.2006
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