As I approach a big number for diary entries, life is generally slow, and all I have to look forward to is visiting the in-laws in the rain tomorrow and getting back to that basement. (Yes, I actually started on the basement this morning.) I recently finished reading Girl With a Pearl Earring, which was wonderful, and I just picked up Seabiscuit, also nicely written.
So, in an attempt to write about something of interest, here are some thoughts inspired by the Daily Zen:
If you had the courage to speak your mind, what would you say, and who would you say it to?
I would say it to The Psycho, that's easy. In fact, I have this fantasy that when she retires, someone asks me if I'll be one of the speakers, and -- this is where the fantasy splits into two parts -- I either say no, preferably to her face, and walk away, OR, I say "Sure" with an evil grin, and then I say just what I and everyone else has wanted to say to her for a long time.
I want to tell her that she is mean and vindictive and holds people's lives in her hands and tosses them like dice for her own amusement. I want to tell her that she is not the fine educator she thinks she is, just because she's been doing it a long time and teaches education courses at the local college. I want to tell her that she damages people and has damaged many people and that she is evil and deserves anything bad that comes her way. I want to tell her that she is despised and feared by all the people she is supposed to be helping and serving, and that if there is anyone who doesn't feel this way, it's because that's someone she's cheated for or done a favor for, for whatever reason of her own at the moment.
I want to say these things to her because I want her to know even a tiny bit of the pain I've seen her cause other people, kids and their parents. I don't know if she's even hurtable, but she's one of the only people I've ever known whom I've thought deserved to experience hurt.
That's who.
If you could go back 5 years, what advice would you give yourself?
Five years: summer, 1998. Here's what I would have wanted to know:
Forget about not sweating the small stuff. Don't sweat the big stuff, either. Everything ... everything ... has its time and then its time is over and you move on. Even when you think you can't survive something, you can. And more specifically:
- K will be ill for a long time. Believe in her and support her, but encourage her to do more when she can. And then she'll be okay.
- Don't waste the effort and get angry at Shirl when she drives you crazy. When she calls you twelve times a day, let it go. You won't believe it now (in 1998), but one day you'll miss her calls. No shit.
- Don't waste your time worrying about money. When you don't have it, worrying doesn't help, and when you get it, you don't have to think about it anymore.
- Go over and visit with Jack more. He's got less time left than you think he does.
- You don't have to worry about R, either. You won't believe what a great grown-up she'll be in 5 years!
And now a word from ... well, not a sponsor, but ... anyway, if you haven't read it yet, go see trinity63's entry from Friday because it's just too good to pass by.
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I'm watching M*A*S*H
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Sweet Sorrow - 06.12.2007
So ... - 12.19.2006
Christmastime Is Near - 12.18.2006
Fifteen Years - 12.17.2006
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