After the first one, we have the same Thanksgiving every year. Starting with that second year, my in-laws went off to my newly married sister-in-law, and have remained there. So it was something we hosted for my side of the family. Gradually, my mother and sister began to make and bring some of the food. Then my mother slacked off. Then when my mother first became ill, and was diagnosed in September, the doctor said she might not be with us for Thanksgiving, which was a really big deal to us. When she was, we shifted, and had it in her apartment, since it was easier for her. And then she stuck around for seven more. By then, we would have it at my sister's house: more room to move around, easier for my folks. Last year we were without Shirl, but had Thanksgiving at the apartment because it was easier for Jack. The Sibs and I still brought every bit of food. This year, the first year without Shirl and Jack, not to mention that J1 is still in California (he flew in last year) and R is over the sea.
But we've done it virtually the same way for so long, that when J1 first moved out there nearly 10 years ago (no. can't be.) and he asked me to send him some recipes, I sent along a letter that included all of our customs as well. I've since shared it with others in the family; I even sent a copy to R in Wales this year, although so much of it no longer applies. Here's the abbreviated, pseudonymed, version:
Dear J1,
As you know, we have many customs and traditions that we follow each year at Thanksgiving. I know that you're most interested in the food, so I'll start with that.
-- turkey - get a butterball, and follow the directions.
-- stuffing - your uncle makes his trademark vegetarian/Italian stuffing, and the recipe will go to the grave with him. Actually, he makes it up each year, so you're as likely as he is to come up with a good one.
-- 1 or 2 cans of jellied cranberry sauce: In keeping with tradition, every other year or so you will forget to put this out on the table.
-- Heinz turkey gravy in a jar: If you get one jar, everyone will want gravy and you won't have enough. If you have two jars, no one will want gravy this year, and it will remain in your refrigerator until it has taken on a life of its own.
-- pumpkin pie: I make a vegan pie so that your uncle can eat it. If I were you, I'd go to the supermarket and buy a frozen Mrs. Smith's pie.
-- String Bean Casserole with little crunchy onions
-- Grandma's Sweet Potato Casserole with the little marshmellows on top: I'm making it this year, and the recipe is anyone's guess.
That's what we eat. Other things you should remember for a traditional Thanksgiving are:
-- Thanksgiving actually begins a week earlier when Grandpa suggests that we use paper plates, have turkey parts only, and gives us a hundred bucks to pay for all the food that he says no one ever eats.
-- Grandpa always sits at the little table with the kids so they won't feel stigmatized.
-- J2 always sits facing the t.v.
-- K always sits next to J1.
-- No one ever wants to sit across from Grandma.
-- Grandpa always arrives first. He brings a jar of macadamia nuts.
-- J1 always arrives last. You never even knew that Grandpa always brings a jar of macadamia nuts.
-- J1 always arrives last. So, whenever you get there, you can start eating.
-- There is never enough room at the table, which is always in danger of imminent collapse.
-- The ultimate Thanksgiving experience is when the Cowboys are playing the Redskins.
-- At some point in the meal, Grandpa gives all the kids money. He used to give everybody a roll of quarters, but now he gives a $20.
-- Someone -- anyone -- must bring up the subject of body piercing. No one knows how this recently became one of our traditions, but it seems to be important, although no one knows why.
And as for this last item, it seems somehow fitting that just last year, Jack's last year with us, J1 outed his sister and cousins for their various naval and tongue piercings, and tattoos. Just a nice little bit of closure.
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I'm watching Mad About You
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