I started the day with a headache, but full of the joy of the beautiful day, getting things done and crossed off my list, and being out in the world.
I've spent most of the day, frustrated, annoyed, depressed, experiencing a variety of physical complaints. Such are the mood swings that occupy my life space.
Here's the main thing, and say what you will, it's a stupid thing. That is, it's a problem because I'm stupid. I'm stupid when it comes to most things that relate to the physical body. I am not graceful; I can't dance. I cannot translate verbal instructions into physical motion, like learning to play a game. I can read about it and understand the rules, but I can't make my body move like the directions. I think I can only drive a car because I can do it sitting down.
But the big problem is food. I've mentioned before, I have not had a lifelong weight problem like so many people; for most of my childhood I was encouraged to eat -- anything and everything -- so I wouldn't look like I had malnutrition. (My mother's perspective was a little off here. You've seen the pictures. I was a normal, healthy child.) I ate whatever I wanted all my life until five years ago or so, when my metabolism changed completely, I guess. Now I have no clue.
Because I have no understanding whatsoever of nutrition and what it does to or for the body (I can read about it but not make the transfer), all I can so is read lists of what I'm not supposed to eat (for cholosterol, blood pressure and so on) and cut them out completely. No sublety. On or off. I don't know how to adjust, only how to eliminate. Each day, I eat fewer and fewer things. I've been bothered so much by heartburn lately, that I eat nothing on the heartburn list, not at all. Isn't that what I'm supposed to do? Maybe not. Other people say, "Oh, when I eat tomato sauce I get heartburn." To me, that means, "Never ever ever eat tomato sauce again." I don't think that's the way most people do it. But I don't want the heartburn at all, so ....
Not that I'm losing weight, and I don't get that either.
I'm actually going to see a nutritionist on Thursday, which is a good thing. I tried this once before, but it wasn't. That person had a stock diet that she gave out to everyone. When I pointed out things I couldn't eat (my only condition at the time was diverticulosis) she would tell me to just leave that out. No, moron, I don't need to know what not to eat. I need to know what to eat instead.
I hope this one is better; it's the nutrition center at the hospital. I told the receptionist my medical conditions and she scheduled me with somone who treats those, so I'm encouraged. It's not like I have no hope. I'm just having a bad day with it.
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I'm watching movies
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