I was pretty busy all day at work today, which is, to tell the truth, a whole lot better than not busy. Tomorrow night is our first Coffee House of the year, so I probably won't get to write an entry, since I have to be back in the library by 6:00 to start re-arranging the furniture, set out the donuts, and so on. Anyway, my favorite moment of the day today was when I saw a boy get up from his seat across the room -- there was a freshman history class in the library -- and glance in my direction before he headed over; by the time he was in front of my desk I was holding a highlighter out to him. He looked a bit surprised as he took it -- it was what he was about to ask to borrow, which I knew as soon as he stood up -- and I said "I've been doing this for a long time." He was amused, said a polite thank you, and went back to work.
Work. R is indeed at work, having started yesterday. So I haven't seen her since about 5 pm yesterday, when she left, as I was asleep when she got home last night, and she was gone when I got home from work today. It seems like a long time, and then I remember that she lived in Europe for a year. Perspective, yes, perspective.
LA asked this morning -- it was probably last night, but I read it this morning -- what it's like to be shy. More specifically, she asked
Are you relieved when a breezy chatterbox like me comes up and starts talking or do you truly want to be left in peace?
Do you feel hounded or glad?
Does it make you even more uncomfortable and uptight when you�re put on the spot to reply?
What would be the ideal way for you to be drawn into a conversation? (If you want one at all, that is.)
Is shaking hands okay or is that too scary and you�d rather not have to make physical contact right away?
Most of the people I know would probably be surprised to find out that I am shy. I think I may have mentioned this here before, but these questions make it easier for me to explain it a bit. There are things I am not shy about: I can stand on the auditorium stage and ad-lib to the whole student body, as long as I know what I'm talking about. I couldn't always do that, but I can now. I think it's because I can interact more easily with a large group like that than I can with individuals I don't know. I know many teachers who are shy; they can talk to kids all day, but put them in front of a group of parents and they freak. My dear Chum at school, who is absolutely walking Charisma and Personality, always panics before speaking to a large group; for years I have stood beside her ready to take over, and that crutch lets her go ahead. (We used to be co-advisors to the Junior Class, and so would be called upon to speak as a team to the masses.) She is very uncomfortable on Back To School Night, too.
If I'm sitting in a waiting room, for example, I'll avoid eye contact with strangers or maybe just smile slightly if they smile first, but if someone starts a conversation with me, I'll chatter away. So to answer the first question, I'm generally okay if someone else starts the conversation.
If the person is unpleasant, I might feel hounded, as anyone would. Would I feel glad? I don't know. Once the contact's been made, I go with the flow.
I respond all right if a reply is called for. Again, once someone else gets the ball rolling, I'm generally okay. I'm shy but I'm friendly. I just can't be friendly first.
I don't have a problem with physical contact, and if the situation calls for it, I'll shake a hand. Truthfully, I find hand-shaking primarily a male phenomenon that women have nonetheless been called upon to take part in. I think men -- even teenage boys -- just know how to shake hands; women do it when they have to. That's been my observation, anyway. I don't have a problem with it.
If I'm at work and I encounter a new teacher, I will offer a cheery hello. Something about the environment there, it being a place I've spent most of my life, makes it comfortable to me. If a new neighbor came to my house, I would be very conversational. However, in spite of my best intentions, I could never knock on a new neighbor's door and introduce myself. I'd want to, but I'd be completely unable to do so.
As a kid, I was very phobic about the telephone. Once, I recall, I had been absent and had to call my best friend to get the homework, and I panicked, especially when my mother pressed the issue. I cried for about two hours, the whole time my mother and sister making it clear that there was something seriously wrong with me because I refused to make a phone call. (I was about 9.) Why did I refuse? I knew her mother and loved her; that wasn't the problem. I knew her father less well and he spoke with a heavy accent. I was afraid I wouldn't understand him and I would embarrass him and myself. I once worked briefly as a Tupperwear lady, but I couldn't do it, because a big part of it was cold calling and shmoozing people to get them to have parties. Could. Not. Do. It.
I guess it's different for everyone. If I feel like I know what I'm doing in a situation, I'm generally less shy. New situations, more. That's probably part of why travelling to the U.K. last March was a little weird, you know? Almost as if the whole being-in-another-country experience made me feel shy.
I can't help but recall what Jerry Seinfeld said, that the most common fear among Americans is public speaking, the second most common is death. So at any given funeral, more people would rather be in the box than giving the eulogy. Makes you think.
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I'm watching The Daily Show
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