I kept putting off writing all day yesterday until my brain was too fried, and then when I started to write, I was like duh duh duh, so I gave it up. Not that I have all that much more to say today.Thanks to the suggestion of LA, I found jeans at Old Navy, which so far, are comfortable. My other clothing mission yesterday was to find something green to put away and wear next year for St. Patrick's Day, since I could not find a single green thing in my closet on Friday. The only thing I managed to scrounge was a workout-type jacket with a white stripe down the sleeves, at Target. Better than nothing, I guess.
Sleep, for the most part, continues to elude me, except in short bursts. The short bursts are up to two hours or so; when I wake up I may be up for awhile or doze off again. Last night/this morning, I woke up on the couch around five and went back to bed, sleeping there until eight, but waking up three or four times in between. I'm telling you, human beings are supposed to sleep. It just doesn't make sense.
I have officially gone off the diet I was on, for awhile, at least. I was eating all the prescribed meals, but I was eating too much outside of that, and just feeling guilty all the time. This way, no guilt, really, and I'm still watching what I eat, but not being limited to their foods only. I don't know if that makes sense, but so far, it's good. I'm certainly not losing anything, but I didn't think I would. I've got too much to worry about otherwise, the not sleeping and other complaints. I need to get that all sorted out first. Anyway, hence the need-new-jeans/don't-want-to-buy-clothes dilemma.
So, having gone through the aggravation of looking for a 13" TV a couple of weeks ago, buying a lemon, bringing it back, getting another one, the 13" TV in my bedroom died this morning. I know there's karma in there somewhere. I don't have the energy today to bring the new one down from upstairs, let alone think about going out and getting another one. I suppose that tomorrow morning I will wake up and get dressed without benefit of watching the news and weather, and the earth will continue to spin on its axis. I'll deal with it after school. The most logical thing to do is bring the new one down, and bring it back up if I need to spend any time there. I mean, that's why I wanted a small one, right, so I could move it around if I wanted to? It's not as if I can watch it in both rooms at once. It won't be an issue until K comes home for Easter, and she'll only be home for two days, I think. I can deal.
I talked to my oldest nephew on Friday, who mentioned that he's coming in for a week in April. He also said something about being "single now," which reminded me that he's no longer engaged. Which reminded me that I've better take that picture of the two of them off the piano, and replace it with a shot of just him. I picked this one:
This is about ten years old, and was taken in, of all places, Alcatraz. My sister and I had flown out for a family wedding in San Francisco and stayed several days to sightsee; the nephew was living, at that time, in northern California, so he hung out with us. His hair, a beautiful chestnut brown, goes down past his shoulders, which is hard to see with the hat on. He's also normally tall - about 5'11" - which is abnormal for our side of the family, but he's about the same height as his father. (His brother is just over 5'7", which is normal for our side of the family, as tall as my father was.) He is, as you can probably tell from the picture, something of a unique spirit. He was a most delightful baby. I think I've posted this one before:
He was 15 months old here; I was 22. (That's 1975.) When I look in the mirror every day, this is the face I expect to see. Does that make any sense? What I mean to say is, if we each have a self-image of what we look like, I think that for everybody it's how we were at some particular time in our lives, for whatever reason. This is it for me. I loved that top I was wearing, too. I'm just saying.
Well, work tomorrow. It is not a fun place to be these days, and not just for me. To paraphrase Chandler Bing, I think, "Can: Open. Worms: EVERYWHERE." Once again, let me say, thank god for the kids. I know that sounds stupid, like, what else is a school there for? But of course, the kids come and stay four years, and move through the system, and are replaced by more kids, an endless moving line. But the staff stays on, and things are always going on administratively and behind the scenes, so to speak, where kids are not directly involved. All of that part sucks in my school right now. The escape, for the staff, is to go to class and do what you love doing, what you know will work the way it's supposed to. Of course, that option is pretty much gone for me, but still. For some people, things are very uncertain, whereas I have a good idea of what's going on, even though it's terrible. Somehow, that's better.
