As we all know, I'm old. I'm so old, that I remember air-raid drills back when I was a young'un. There was a different bell that rang, not quite the fire-drill bell, and instead of filing out of the building to escape a raging inferno, we filed very very quietly into the school corridor, where we sat cross-legged, our backs pressed against the wall. Sometimes we would be told to bend our heads down, and cross our arms together over our heads for protection.We were protecting ourselves from the effects of nuclear radiation, or at least, that's what I thought we were doing. (I guess it's more likely that we were protecting our heads from the ceiling falling in on us.)
And then, I recall a poster that was popular during the Vietnam years. Not the one I had, the one that said "War is not healthy for children and other living things." No, this was the one that provided a set of instructions for what to do in case of a nuclear attack. There were about ten items on the list, including stock up on bottled water, put sandbags by the windows, etc. The second to last thing on the list was to assume a safe position, hunched down, your head between your legs. The final step, of course, was to kiss your ass goodbye.
So where are we now, exactly? Is it really going to help me to put duct tape and plastic around my windows? If it -- whatever it is -- can get in through the windows, can't it get in past the duct tape? What if it gets in while I'm taping the windows? And then, in three days, when we can go out, how do we know we can go out? Isn't it -- whatever it is -- still in the air, on the grass, on the car's door handle? Where am I going, exactly? Isn't this just putting my hands over my head to protect me from the radiation?
Is the threat real? Maybe it is. Or maybe they're just trying to give us something to do so we feel like we're doing something. Maybe they're trying to keep us scared so we'll go along with whatever it is they're trying to do. Whoever they are.
The only thing we can know for certain is that we regular folk don't know enough about any of it to make an informed decision. So I'll just have to stick with my theory that although duct tape really is good for just about anything, it's not exactly my defense of choice against chemical or biological warfare. The companion theory to all of this, of course, is that living ten miles away from New York City means that any decision is pretty much out of my hands. Whatever happens, I'll know what to do. I remember the final step.
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