the purple chai
now :: then :: me :: them

a fifty-something under-tall half-deaf school librarian in the jersey suburbs with two grown kids and time on her hands

Libraries will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no libraries.


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I Know It's Not Friday 193

07.26.2003

10:35 am

I couldn't quite get a handle on this week's Friday Five. The questions just seemed too ... maybe, reaching? Kind of like, we're trying to be as creative as we possibly can. I just didn't get it. Then I happened to see a couple of minutes of some show about The Vagina Monologues (which also I never quite got) and they were asking women this question: If your vagina wore clothes, what would it wear?

What?

But these women were just popping out answers: Calvin Klein, a hat, jeans, etc.

What?

Suddenly the Friday Five started looking a lot more clear, so I thought I'd give it a shot and just answer whatever comes to mind. See below.

In other news, I went to the local fabric store and picked up some of those cloth-panel books to sew, so, thanks, catsnapples! So far there are only the two babies in the next generation, but I do have an engaged niece and nearly everyone else is in the child-bearing age range, so I'll be ready for some time to put together these cunning little books for any new members of the family.

In other news, I'm going like gangbusters with the excellent camera with the macro zoom. I'll post a few on my fotolog after I put up this entry.

In other news, Hubs and I went visiting for dinner last night (we are generally antisocial types and rarely go out) and this was one helluva house we went to, let me tell you. Perhaps more on this tomorrow. Let's just say that the foyer was about the size of my whole house, and when I looked up -- in the foyer! -- there was a huge crystal chandelier that was inset into some kind of dome, which featured hand-painted cherubs. So it was something like visiting the home of a fourteenth century pope. The people were very nice -- she served corn at the table in Tupperware, just like I do -- but it was an amusing evening.

In other news, Five.

1. If your life were a movie, what would the title be?
Boomer Menopause

2. What songs would be on the soundtrack?
The Mickey Mouse March. The theme songs from Howdy Doody and the Monkees. A whole lot of Beatles. Trisha Yearwood's "I Wanna Go Too Far."

3. Would it be a live-action film or animated? Why?
Probably animated since I have a horror of seeing myself captured on film. But if it's animated, it doesn't really matter who stars in it. Wait, so if I'm not actually in it myself, it could be live-action. It doesn't matter.

4. Casting: who would play you, members of your family, friends, etc?
The toughest question, of course. Gotta think.
  • The only real obvious choice that comes to mind is that the role of my mother -- for the flashbacks -- has to be played by Ann Guilbert, who played Grandma Yetta on The Nanny. Take away about 50% of the flashiness and this was my mother in her later years, cigarette, teased hair, warm-up suits and all.
  • Sally Field should play my sister; they are practically twins (except for Sally Field's years in Hollywood with personal trainers, etc.). Sibs' husband, The Keeper, could be Martin Short.
  • One of my all-time favorite movies is The Goodbye Girl, so I'm going with MRichard Dreyfuss and Marsha Mason for the Hubs and me.
  • The Psycho, my boss, needs Glenn Close, since she's already done Cruella deVille, so she knows the part.
  • Maybe Kevin Kline for Hubs.
  • And my girls, the most difficult of all.For R, that girl from Felicity, I think her name is Kerri Russell. Yeah, that works. For K, maybe Sarah Jessica Parker at 20, already luminous, but not an icon or total sex-babe yet.
5. Describe the movie preview/trailer.
It looks like the set of This Old House, except no one's actually doing any work; it's just an old house. The pharmacy delivery guy pulls up in front and drops off a carton of estrogen. Close-up on the front door, then the camera moves inside. A cat is taking a crap on the living room carpet. Panning around the room, we see piles of stuff about to be carted of to a college dorm -- in a month -- and enough furniture for two rooms, some of it appearing to belong to extremely elderly people. Camera takes a path through the whole house -- about ten feet -- and closes in on hands typing on a keyboard, and then the words on the screen. The words are: Boomer Menopaues. Backspace. Backspace. Boomer Menopau. BLACKOUT.

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I'm watching M*A*S*H
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