I have a love/hate relationship with New York City. Okay, it's mostly hate. Well, not hate. It's mostly fear.
I live roughly ten miles west of Manhattan. I live in a town which has rail and bus lines that go into the city downtown and uptown, and which is within one mile, at most, of three major highways that all lead to the George Washington Bridge, or the Lincoln Tunnel. The highest point in town offers a view of the skyscrapers, kind of like looking off into the distance and seeing the Emerald City of Oz. (Yes, we saw the smoke rising from the towers, right here. It's that close.) My mother was born and raised in the Bronx, and my grandparents almost always lived there. I was born in the Bronx, too, and even after we moved to New Jersey, we went into the city several times a year, whether to a museum, or a restaurant, or, twice a year, to see a movie and a stage show at Radio City. I saw my first Broadway show when I was 8 -- The Sound of Music -- and went to the theater as often as I could when I was a teenager, getting into the city by bus and subway.
Then I grew up. (Or not, depends on your point of view.) My parents, who liked what the city had to offer well enough, were very good about giving in to their fears, and I picked them up, too. New York? You get mugged there! You get robbed! It's dangerous! Chunks of buildings could fall off and kill you! The subway? Are you crazy? It's like a death sentence!
Forget the fact that one of my dearest friends lives in the city and we almost never actually see each other in person, ten miles away. The whole idea of the city scares me.
And yet fascinates me. There is so much there! The cultural opportunities, right down to the people you see on the street, are richer than they are almost any place else. The diversity. The theater. The restaurants. The architecture. The art. I love knowing that New York is only ten miles away. Crazy, I know. I won't go there, but I want to know that it is there, right there, close by. I think if I lived anywhere else, I'd miss it.
Why today, why New York City today? First, of course, is the heightened terrorist warning. It's for Newark, too, and I'm about as close to Newark as I am to New York. (And I never go to Newark.) But I'm not especially frightened by terrorism, other than normal. I mean, no one wants to get it in a terrorist attack, or wants anyone else to, but terrorism is so random; how can we even protect ourselves from it? To me, you're still more likely to get mugged on the subway than to get hit by a terrorist.
Okay, the terror warning. Then we talked to R on the phone, and she said she's really ready to come home (oh, that's good), and she may have an apartment that she can get in on soon thereafter. Any guesses where this apartment is?
Oh, hell. Really, it is the place for her to live. There's nothing for her here in the suburbs, none of what she needs and wants to get into writing, which is what she wants to do. There is so much there in the city, comedy clubs, and classes, and all kinds of contacts to make. I know it's where she needs to be, and wants to be, and it's not like it's far. But my child, living in New York City? I'll never sleep again! She'll have to call me every night so I know she's home safe and not out riding the subway! I'm less worried now, and she's living in Europe.
It's the razor's edge.
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I'm watching The Simpsons
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