On Sunday night, R and I watched two movies: Sideways and Finding Neverland. Quite different, but I think both deserving of the Oscar recognition they received. Sideways is entirely a character piece, and I felt very much worth watching. As for Finding Neverland, Peter Pan was a very big part of my childhood -- I don't think I've ever written about that, really; I will -- and I am generally delighted by any incarnation of it. It was certainly a tug on the heartstrings, but very good to watch.In other news, I've gotten started on my Steinbeck orgy with Cannery Row, and I'm delighted to say that re-discovering his prose is almost as wonderful as discovering it in the first place, circa 1974. I'm a huge fan of The Grapes of Wrath especially, but I remembered Cannery Row as making me feel that I was right there, and that's just what it is.
I'm also listening to Bill Bryson's I'm a Stranger Here Myself, which is a lot of fun. R recommends him, but I haven't been able to read his books; the print is oddly uncomfortable to look at. But he is charming; the book is a collection of his columns written about returning to America after living in England for 20 years, and it's like reading a friend's diary. He's wonderful with words, and his observations are most amusing.
And I got this from LA. To the best of my recollection ...
A Mommy Survey
Name: purple chai
Age: 52
Location: the New Jersey suburbs near NYC.
Mommy Stats
Age at which you had your first baby: 28
How many kids you have: 2
How many you want(ed): When I was a kid, I thought I'd grow up and have a big family. After I had one, I knew that two was my limit.
Would you ever give a baby up for adoption? I think this is one of those questions that can't be answered absolutely unless you're in the situation that calls for it. I would never want to, but if I thought it was best for the baby I hope I would be able to make that call.
Would you ever consider adopting a baby? Again, when I was a kid I thought I'd have two or three and then adopt some, but it never came to pass. I'm philosophically in favor of adoption.
Would you ever be a surrogate mom? Once again, I support the concept and applaud people who can do that, but I doubt that I'm one of them.
Are you married, engaged, dating? Married, since about 1911. (Okay, 1977.)
Pregnancy (for Mommies with more then 1, think back to 1st baby)
First thought when you found out: This was before home pregnancy tests. My first test at the doctor's was negative, and I refused to believe it, and had another test two weeks later, which was positive. My reaction: "I KNEW IT!"
First person you told: The Hubs, I'm sure
Length of pregnancy: Forever.
Cravings: I used to put cream cheese in a pita pocket and then cook an egg over easy and stuff that in on top of the cream cheese. Yum!
Worst part(s) of being pregnant: I had a constant pain in one place in my back. It was also hard to get boots on and off. And I got tired a lot and of course, peed constantly.
Best part(s) of being pregnant:It was a sweet way to be the center of attention for a while. The Hubs was my virtual slave. He was cute.
Scariest part(s) of being pregnant: There are those weird moments when you're convinced something is terribly wrong, or you're carrying Rosemary's baby or something. The scariest thing is irrational, groundless fears.
Best piece of advice to newly pregnant moms: Don't worry about doing it right or by a book, and don't worry about labor. Yes, it sucks and it hurts, and then it's over and you have this amazing reward. Labor can't really be that bad, or no one would ever do it more than once.
Any more advice? Enjoy every part of it while you can. Oh, also: If you're standing, sit. If you're sitting, put your feet up. If your feet are put up, lie down.
Weight gained during pregnancy: 45 pounds
How long it took to get weight back off: About a year. Second time not so lucky. I'll let you know.
Baby stats
Due Date: March 14, 1981
Birthday: March 17, 1981
Birth weight: 7 lbs, half ounce
Birth length: I have no idea.
Length of labor: 35 hours.
Vaginal birth or C-section: Vaginal, with a little assist from Mr. Forceps.
Did you get pain meds? I had a spinal, or whatever they call it, which was necessary for the forceps delivery. I had nothing before I got into the delivery room. The second time I had nothing except a bit of novocaine for the episiotomy -- that's a story I've told before -- so that was 100% natural.
Who was with you when baby was born: The Hubs, the doctor, nurses. Both of my babies were born in a traditional tile and stainless steel hospital delivery room.
Length of hospital stay: Possibly just under a week. Such things were done a mere 24 years ago.
Mommy in training
How long recovery from delivery/c-section took: I was a mess, it so happens, for weeks. The length of my labor and the way it all went caused extensive scarring and I could barely sit down in the car to come home. (It took me 15 minutes to get out of the car in our driveway.) Also, I got sick when the baby was two weeks old. (See breast-feeding, below.)
Hardest part of recovery: It was the episiotomy, or the repair of that and the other damage, that was so difficult. I've never heard of anyone else going through this, so I guess it's not common.
Scariest part about being a mom: The scariest thing is when your kid is sick, or worse, temporarily misplaced.
Best thing about being a mom: The day to day grind is not great, but everything else is. It's amazing to look at this person and realize that you made him/her happen. Grown kids, from my point of view, are incredibly cool.
Worst part about being a mom: It's the scary parts, above. There are times when you're frustrated or angry or worn out that aren't great, but that's not the kids, that's just life.
What the first night home was like: Hard to remember the first night, specifically. We had a practical nurse in (which is what everyone I knew did then), so I imagine she changed the baby when she got up and brought her to me to be nursed.
First question you felt stupid to ask: The first day I was alone with the baby I had no idea what to do.
Who you asked: I called my sister and said "Now what?" She told me to just walk around with the baby, talk to her, show her stuff out the window, and so on. So here she was, maybe three weeks old, and I was standing by the window saying "Look! There goes a red car! See? A blue truck!" and so on.
Did you breastfeed? Heavens. I did in the hospital, and for the first two weeks I was home. I never felt all that comfortable with it, and R never really took to it either. Which led to a blocked milk duct, which I had when she was three weeks old. I woke up in the middle of the night sick; by the time I felt strong enough to get up out of bed (i.e., not delirious anymore) I had a fever of 104. I went back to bed and told the Hubs to give the baby a bottle, which we had on hand from the hospital samples. In the morning I got antibiotics and that was the end of breast feeding for me. (It wasn't much better the second time, either.)
How long: 3 weeks.
CHOOSE (Pick just one!)
Easier to raise - Boys or Girls? I think the powers that be were right to give me girls. A friend I know with 7 children says that her 5 boys were easier than her 2 girls, and she oughta know.
Baby likes better - Veggies or fruits? I barely remember, but I'm guessing fruits.
Easier to deal with - getting spit up on or peed on? R appeared to spit up everything she drank for months. Before I fed her, I would cover the couch or chair with a vinyl tablecloth and either wear a slicker or take off my shirt and wear a cobbler-type apron. One of the things I hated most about breast feeding was that when she spit up, she essentially spit up into my underwear, and I'd have to change from the skin out after every feeding.
Baby sleep in bed w/ you or in crib? R slept in a cradle in our room until September.
Yes or No
(For baby boys) Circumcision or not? Not an issue for us, but I'm sure we would have had a boy circumcised in the hospital without giving it much thought.
(For baby girls) Pierced ears before age 1? No. Our pediatrician (who had been mine and the Hubs' pediatrician) felt that piercing a baby's ears was a violation of her civil rights! He refused to permanently mark a kid like that without her consent, and he would have given us hell if we'd had it done anywhere else ourselves. (But circumsicion okay, funny, huh?) Anyway, I had my ears pierced at 19, and I was a big believer that my kids would have to ask for it and I would have to know they really meant it before they could get pierced. As it was, K at about 9 had one done and then refused the second one.
Buy more expensive clothing for baby then yourself? Neither one. I was lucky to have a lot of hand-me-downs from my sister, and I mean a lot, because she had twins. Beyond that, I bought kids' clothes mostly at Bradlees. Since they were going to outgrow them or stain them in five minutes, it seemed pointless to spend a lot. My mother bought their snowsuits every year, and I would splurge for a special occasion, if it came up.
Ever tried baby's formula/milk/food? I would try the food from time to time and it was repulsive. I also made my own baby food for a while, which no baby would ever eat.
Invited friends/family only so they could help babysit, without them knowing? No. If we needed babysitters, we were up front about it.
Taken pictures to blackmail baby when old enough to date? Never. There was a picture of me naked on the toilet when I was about two, and I refused to take such pictures of my own kids.
Pretended to be asleep when baby was crying? Only to the point of bluffing out the Hubs, hoping he would get up before I had to. I'm sure he did it to me, too. But we were not into letting babies cry for long.
Acted like you didn't smell a poopy diaper so someone else would change it? I don't think so. But I found that there were grandparents who just loved to change diapers. My father, I'm sure, never changed a grandchild's diaper, but the FIL couldn't wait; he had apparently been the diaper changer of choice for his own kids.
Any other advice? My mother always said that the baby will sleep through the night when the parents can't stand it anymore. In other words, there will come that one night when you realize that the crying is going to stop and the baby is fine and they're not crying it out so much as they are learning to deal with it. (Obviously not for a newborn.) If you never let them cry at all, they have no need to learn that they can take care of some things themselves. It's a bad pattern to establish.
